Reasons

I'm writing this down here because I can't hold it all in. When and if I do I feel physically ill, and that does nothing to help my kids.

He was...insane? out of his mind? hallucinating? this morning. He thought there was writing on his hand and that I was trying to do some procedure on him when I checked his blood sugar.

20 minutes of NON-reality. It is so disturbing.

I took the baby to the sitter, singing Jingle Bells to his Hey! the whole way, videoed Wednesday as he portrayed a candle, and worked an ornament decorating station at Winston's party.

The Jeep was back when I got home, driven flush into the fence. I still have no idea where it was, where he was. It's gotten to the point that I don't even want to know.

He seems slightly more aware of what's happening now. He had takeout Chinese in his lap when I got here, and he's back asleep.

It is so strange to be out in the world, doing these amazing things with the boys and then come home and not know if reality is real for him yet.

I was and am quick to remind him of the promise. I didn't find any large stashes of beer in the Jeep when I backed it away from the fence.

Writing this down eases my tummy just enough that I can keep down my lunch; stock back up on a teeny bit of hope.